i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize