yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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