he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize