I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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