It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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