i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
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Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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