K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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