omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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