Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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