it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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