We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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