She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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