he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize