i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
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apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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