HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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