I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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