toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize