Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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