how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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