yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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