so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
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i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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