my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize