i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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