He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize