Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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