Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize