I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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