everyone is single if you try hard enough
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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