he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Good news!! I can adult!! ๐ turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ๐ญ๐
Do you think heโll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize