I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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