thus making me awesome and them whores
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
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I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My feet surprised me
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