just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize