3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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