why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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