Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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