So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish you could order shots online.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize