Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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