We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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