he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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