I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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