Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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