OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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