i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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