just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
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Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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