were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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