I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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