i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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