just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize