Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
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i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
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I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sorry about my life...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize