Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize